WOW! It has been a very long time since I've been on here. Almost 5 years to be exact! To be honest, after a while, I kind of forgot about this blog. It wasn't until just recently that I brought myself back into the blog scene, but for different reasons this time. I started a new blog called "Fibro Spoon Warrior". That's right, Fibro as in Fibromyalgia. On top of my rare and totally somewhat awesome diagnosis of Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, I can now add Fibromyalgia! I'll talk about this a little later on this blog, but if you are interested, check it out! It has really altered my life this past year. Nothing is the same for me anymore.
But now for catching up!
Lets see, I last wrote in December 2011. So, we will start there. I had just been dumped by that guy I claimed to be "Matched to be" with hahaha. Yea that didn't go so great. I began battling depression, as well as my first experience with mono. Man did that suck! In May 2012 I started my internship at another university, where I was studying to become a Medical Technologist. I began my clinical rotations at a local hospital in January 2013, and by June, I had a full time job in my career field! Life was AMAZING! I was so happy. I adopted my dog Teddy, I was done with school, and had started my career.
Then I decided to go to the national AIS convention. It was the middle of July 2013, in Boston. My mom decided to come with me as support, so I looked at it as a nice vacation with my favorite person in the world. I hated the convention. I was not ready, nor prepared for the emotional roller-coaster I was on. I cried every single day. I was having anxiety attacks, including one in my sleep (this is very significant, and I will explain why down further). Apparently, even though I had been dealing with this diagnosis for 8 years, I had not fully explored my emotional feelings about it. I had never gotten around to embracing it. I guess I just knew the facts, and hid it all under a smile. But when I started meeting all these wonderful people, and hearing all their stories, everything that I had buried was coming to surface. We were in small groups and people were talking about their own experiences, and I was dreading my turn. It finally got around to me, and I tried talking. I tried acting like I did with my friends/family when we would talk about my condition. But all I could do was cry. And not just a soft cry, I mean balling my fucking eyes out. All I could manage to talk about were how I had started this blog, and some people took my photos from it, and had conversations about them on other websites. They were trying to decide whether or not I looked like a boy. I was mortified when I had found it. And of all the stories, good and bad, that I could have chosen, I told that one. I was a mess. I realized I had not come to terms with my condition. Even after 8 years of living it, I was not ready for that convention center. And I'm not sure I ever will be ready. At least not in that big of a scenario. Maybe just a small gathering, I could probably handle that.
The day after we got back from Boston, which was a 12 hour car ride, I got the worst phone call of my life so far. It was my mom, and I could tell her voice was a little off. She told me that my dad was dead. That he had committed suicide. All that happiness I had found, was gone. I became an empty shell. My dad and I had a strained relationship. He had a lot of psychological demons, as well as physical injuries, that he chose to medicate himself with narcotics. He became addicted. I tried countless times to help, but he kept choosing the pain killers over his own daughter. My dad died alone. He had gotten sober, and we met up to talk. It was the most emotional 2 hours I had ever spent with him. I was so angry with him for wreaking havoc on my childhood. But we left on decent terms, with the intentions of getting together again. Until he called a few months later, asking for help to get money. Same story I always heard. That was the last time I ever talked to my dad. I hung up the phone on him. He shot himself in the head about a year later. It shattered my world. I always thought we had all the time in the world to reconnect. But with being sober, his demons were to strong, and he was too weak. The following couple years, I just kind of went through the motions. I called it "being on autopilot".
During my time in "autopilot", I bought a house. Mainly because I now had all of my dads possessions that I was unable to part with, as well has his dog Jasmine. So I now had 2 dogs, and a whole bunch of stuff, and needed a place to set roots. I remodeled this house. New floors, windows, painted the entire house, and completely remodeled the bathroom. All while on "autopilot". Looking back, I don't know how I managed to get through all that, but I did. I also was able to pass my certification exam, which is preferred in my field. So I am now a Certified Medical Technologist, and I even have fancy letters after my name, MLS(ASCP)CM.
I am now in a great relationship with my boyfriend David. We have been together since October 2015. He has been truly amazing. We initially bonded over working out. We met online, and had read on my profile that I did crossfit, and we began talking about the workouts. Then he introduced me to rock climbing. We went on kayak adventures. And we both started running. Our relationship is definitely surrounded by doing athletic activities. But now our relationship is evolving, because athletics are no longer easy for me anymore. As I said before, I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. It has made it difficult to maintain my athletic level I once had. Some days I struggle getting through the work day. Other days, I have so much energy, and I can do so much. But those days have become more and more less frequent.
Well, that gives a lil info about the past 5 years. I'll be sure to update this more frequently!
