My Heart Is On Rewind

It's been about a month and a half since Ryan and I broke up. We hadn't really talked much since. We did text a little bit to discuss when we were going to meet up again. We had set a day, and then he told me some bad news. He had gone to the ER a couple weeks before. He was having neck and back pain, as well as numbness in his hands, legs and feet. He got a ct scan, and the results came back abnormal. They found spots on his brain. They decided to run more tests, because they said it could just be shadows. But it could also be multiple sclerosis or even tumors. I was heart broken when I found out. I thought I was getting over him. But when I heard the news, my heart went back to square one. Or maybe I wasn't truly over him. All I can think about is being with him. I'm so scared for him. So I've decided to travel on saturday to see him. I'm trying not think about getting back with him. At this point I feel I just need to be there for him. But thinking about the possibility that it could be life threatening, has got me really questioning all of this. Do I really want to be without him? Because this news has shaken something up in me, and I am just as confused as ever. I don't know exactly what I want. I just know I want him to be ok, and for him to be in my life, one way or another. I'm just really worried :(